quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
