That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize