how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
