We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
