He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
