I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
