..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
