I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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