Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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