Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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