just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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