if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize