Bisexual people are plain selfish.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
