I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize