5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
