where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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