So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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