i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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