my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
