It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
