dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
