I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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