Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
