I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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