making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
