so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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