remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize