We're facebook friends in real life
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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