Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.

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(631): View more from New York

After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.

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(646): View more from New York

According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.

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(805): View more from California

There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates

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(310): View more from California

i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...

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(952): View more from Minnesota

I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".

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