He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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