the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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