you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
