the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
