A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
