When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
