I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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