apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize