Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
