I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You did what with his pubic hair?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
