i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
