I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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