I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
