if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
