so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just want nice things and good sex
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Randomize
