apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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