Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
