Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
