not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
