You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
