the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
