just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Say something about gay babies.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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