It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
