I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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