I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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