And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
