I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
