Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
