I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
