I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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