yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
