I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he thought i was a dude.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
