I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
