You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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