She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
