You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize