lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
