you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize