i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
