I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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