You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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