seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
