It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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